I don’t know.
I’m seeking a joy that cannot be provided by anything or anyone else but God; however, I still find myself not taking enough action. I want to go treasure hunting and be able to talk “deep” talks (which should really be more common) and ya know? But I find myself discouraged. I have no clue why. I want to be able to fully give up my alabaster jar but I just can’t. I’m afraid of being completely and totally vulnerable, not having any safeguard, not thinking God’s enough.
Sometimes, I can’t find myself singing songs that say things like “I’ll give You my everything” and such just because of my heart condition. I’m in a state of ambivalence.
matt 14:31
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
Is it just for the sake of “being Christian” or out of love and adornment? I don’t know yet, but I know what I want. I just don’t know how to do it. Maybe I do. Blahrhghghgh
